This is a transcribed copy of the episode "Bear Cleanse".
Feel free to add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
|"Where is it?"|
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[Cut to a doctor's office. The camera shifts around the waiting room,where we see magazines, a poster, and a child playing with blocks. It settles on a shot of a door labeled "Dr. Decker, Pediatrician".]
[Cut to The Bears in the exam room. Panda struggles to climb onto the exam table.]
Dr. Decker: So you're here for a check-up. Tell me, do you have any allergies?
Panda: Um, well I...
Grizzly: Uh uh uh uh. None. We're great.
Dr. Decker: Okay. How often do you exercise?
[The bears bring their heads in to whisper.]
Grizzly: Nine-[Panda hits him] teen!
Dr. Decker: Fellas, this isn't a test.
Ice Bear: Ice Bear would win.
Dr. Decker: Let's just start the physical exam.
[Cut to Dr. Decker adjusting a scale.]
Dr. Decker: Okay, please step onto the scale.
[The counterweights tilt and the scale creaks. The bears have stacked on the scale.]
Dr. Decker: One at a time, please...
[Cut to the bears sitting on the exam table. Dr. Decker hits Grizzly with a reflex hammer on the right knee and Grizzly kicks out with his left. Dr. Decker does the same to Panda, who flails his arm. Dr. Decker hits Ice Bear, and both Grizzly and Panda kick out.]
[Cut to Dr. Decker pointing at an eye chart.]
Grizzly, covering an eye: Uhh, is it a drawing of a horse?
[Dr. Decker writes something on her clipboard. Cut to her checking Panda's throat with a tongue depressor. When Dr. Decker touches Panda's tongue, he gags. Dr. Decker sticks the depressor in, causing Panda to swallow it.]
[Cut to Ice Bear lifting his gown. Dr. Decker puts on her stethoscope and listens to Ice Bear's chest. The sound of a jackhammer startles her.]
[Cut to the bears sitting on the table.]
Grizzly: Do we pass?
Panda: Do we get a reward?
Dr. Decker: Guys, you have a serious problem, everything is way off. Can you tell me what kind of foods you eat?
Grizzly: Well, we like pizza, pretzels, oh, I've been trying a lot of new uses for ranch.
Panda: We all like those little wasabi snacks, but sometimes they're too spicy, but I still gotta eat 'em
Ice Bear: Ice Bear eats jars of peanut butter.
Dr. Decker: Uh, okay. Look behind you, that's a nutritional poster. These are all the things that a human needs to eat.
Grizzly: Oh, that's great, we eat those all the time!
Dr. Decker: That's the problem...you're bears. Here, I'm putting you guys on a cleanse for 21 days, strictly eating what you're supposed to eat as bears. Inside each folder contains your natural diet.
[Grizzly opens his folder and sees a picture of berries and fish.]
Grizzly: Berries and fish, neat.
[Panda opens his and sees a stalk of bamboo.]
Panda: Bamboo? That's it?
[Ice Bear opens his and sees a picture of a seal. His eyes widen.]
Panda: I don't know if I can do this. I can't eat only one thing, I need variety!
Grizzly: It's okay Pan, it's only 21 days. We can get through together.
Dr. Decker: Great, good luck. Let's check back in in a week, to see how you're all doing.
Grizzly: Cool! Um, do we get to keep the gowns?
Dr. Decker: No.
[Cut to a fish being puppeted by Grizzly.]
Grizzly, fish: Hey Joe, what are you up to this weekend?
Grizzly, "Joe": Not much man, just chillin'. What are you doing this weekend, Grizz?
Grizzly, as himself: Oh, me? I just have a party in my belly and you guys are invited. Even my friends the berries and joining in on the fun.
Grizzly, as the fish: All right, yeah!
[Cut to Panda sadly staring at a bamboo plant. With a grunt, he lifts up the plant and struggles. He tries to leave the room, but the stalks are too tall for the doorway. When Panda tries to bring it out horizontally, the dirt and bamboo falls out of the pot.]
[Cut to Ice Bear pushing a cart in the meat/fish department.]
Butcher: Can I help you?
[Ice Bear shows him the picture of a seal.]
Butcher: Yeah, we don't sell seal meat in this establishment. Anything else I can help you with? We also have lobster, crab, octopus, tuna, halibut, catfish...
[Ice Bear leaves.]
[Cut to the Bears' home. Grizzly serves Panda a stalk of bamboo.]
Grizzly: Your meal, sir.
Panda: I'm having second thoughts about this.
[Grizzly sits down, surrounded by plates of fish and berries.]
Grizzly: Hey, you just gotta fully commit to this cleansing lifestyle, little bro!
[Panda hesitantly takes a bite of his bamboo. Grizzly quickly swallows his plates of food.]
Grizzly: Oh man, I feel great. My fur looks so shiny, I can see better, everything feels so clear! [Grizzly's pupils dilate.]
[Cut to Panda chewing his bamboo indignantly.]
Grizzly: Do my muscles look bigger? I feel like they're bigger. You're even looking healthier! The world must see the new Pan-Pan!
[Grizzly takes Panda's phone.]
Panda: Wait, what?
[Grizzly takes a picture of Panda with bamboo hanging out of his mouth.]
Grizzly: 'First day of my 20 day cleanse, gonna be cuter than ever! Hashtag!'. You're welcome!
[Grizzly shows Panda the phone. Panda slams his face on the table.]
Grizzly: 'Cuz I love you, bro! And I love you, bowl of fish!
[Grizzly takes out a bowl of fish and starts eating.]
[Cut to the East Bay Zoo. Ice Bear arrives, pushing a shopping cart. He dives into a habitat while a child watches on. A worker faces the other way, sweeping. Ice Bear throws a seal up from the habitat and jumps out, landing with a flip. Ice Bear shakes the water off him, puts the seal in the shopping cart and leaves.]
[Cut to Grizzly humming and washing dishes. Panda finishes his bamboo.]
Panda: Eugh. All done.
[Panda's phone buzzes.]
Panda: Huh? 22 likes? I've never had 22 likes before!
Grizzly: And so it begins. I told you this cleanse was a great idea.
Panda: I guess you're right!
[The two leave. Ice Bear enters pushing the shopping cart with the seal in it. Ice Bear begins cooking, putting on an apron and hat. He sprinkles salt on the seal, rolls a rolling pin on it, pats it and grinds pepper on it.]
[Cut to Ice Bear and Panda on the couch. Grizzly plays games while Panda stares at his phone.]
Grizzly: Sorry fireballs, but I'm just too fast for you!
Panda: Whoa! My new photo just got 32 likes! I've never got so much attention in all my life!
Grizzly: I'm proud of you, little bro. Oh hey, could you pass me the snacks? I gotta keep myself energized for the final level.
[Panda passes a bowl of fish. Grizzly almost eats one, but stops.]
Grizzly: Oh, I meant the potato chips, Pan-Pan. I already had fish and berries for breakfast, you know?
Panda: But Grizz, remember what the doctor said, we can't eat human food for 21 days!
Grizzly: Not even those tiny snacks between meals?
Panda: Yeah, like she said twenty-one days.
[Grizzly eats a fish.]
Grizzly: Oh, that's cool. I can go 21 days without snacks. How hard can it be, huh. Yeah.
Panda: Oh man, 40 of the new likes are from girls, this is crazy.
[Grizzly gets up and takes the bowl of fish.]
Grizzly: Alright, I'm gonna go take a nap. Keep up the good work little bro! Yeah! [Grizz leaves.]
Panda: Grizz, that's the kitchen, your room is that way.
Grizzly: Yes, my room! Right, that room with no food in it.
[Cut to Ice Bear slicing a carrot and a tomato. Ice Bear brings the knife to the seal, but pushes the seal away and slices another carrot. Ice Bear stirs a mixture in a bowl and then dumps the contents into a mop bucket. Ice Bear uses a mop to apply the liquid to the seal. The seal licks some of it off.]
[Cut to a plate of fish and berries. Grizz is sitting on his bed, staring hesitantly at the plate. He picks up the fish and puppets it.]
Grizz, as the fish, unenthusiastic: Yo Grizz, are you ready to party?
[Grizz eats the fish then slaps his forehead.]
Grizz: Oh man, this is tough. I gotta stop thinking about other foods.
[Grizz opens his laptop.]
Grizz: I'll just watch cat videos or something.
[Grizz opens a cat video. An advertisement for Emma's Diner pops up on the screen, displaying a plate of bacon and eggs.]
Grizz: Ugh, stupid ads, this is not what I need right now!
[A face appears on the egg.]
Egg: Why not, Grizz? Don't you love me anymore?
[Grizzly stares at the screen wide-eyed. Another advertisement to "Eat Bananas!" pops up.]
Banana: Yeah Grizz, why you gotta hate bro?
[An ad for "Burgers Fries and Beyond" pops up.]
Burger: Don't leave me, Grizz!
Grizz: What the-!
[The foods walk out of Grizz's laptop screen.]
Egg: All we wanna do is make you happy.
Banana: Because we're delicious!
[The burger sputters and a bit of lettuce falls out of its mouth.]
Burger: You're like a father to me!
Grizz: Oh you guys, I miss you too! This isn't forever, we will be together in 21 days.
Egg: You promise?
Grizz: I promise!
[Grizz hugs the foods. Grizzly hears a crash and looks up. A giant Dr. Decker has torn off the roof.]
Dr Decker, her voice distorted: What are you doing, Grizz?
[Grizz hides the food behind his back]
Grizz: No! This is not what it looks like. I've been doing great with the cleanse, I've done a whole day without eating snacks!
Dr. Decker: That's not what it looks like to me!
[Dr. Decker opens her mouth and sucks in the foods. Grizz tries to grab the banana, but it seperates from its skin.]
Egg: Save us!
[Dr. Decker chews the food.]
Dr. Decker: Hey, I got some good news.
[Dr Decker pulls out Panda's phone.]
Dr Decker, with Panda's voice: Boom! 100 likes baby!
[Panda shows his phone to Grizz, who is lying on his back.]
Panda: Can you believe it? I got a hundred likes! And it keeps going! People are super supportive! See?
[Panda scrolls different pictures of him and bamboo. Grizz shouts and pushes Panda away.]
Grizz: Just give me some space dude, I can't deal with this right now! I'm sorry about that, I'm actually really happy for you. [Grizzly covers his face with his paws and sighs.] I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was.
Panda: You gotta fully commit to this cleansing lifestyle, big bro. Just like me! You're even looking healthier. [Grizz glares at Panda, who touches him.] The world must see the new Grizz! [Panda takes a selfie with Grizz.] Perfect. I gotta go and charge my phone again, but keep up the good work bro, I am so happy for you! [Panda leaves and Grizz flops onto his bed.]
[Cut to Ice Bear washing a tomato. He places the tomato on the edge of the sink and turns away. The seal picks up the tomato with its nose and balances it. Ice Bear turns back around and takes the tomato. The seal barks at him. Ice Bear puts the tomato on the platter the seal is on and brings it to the table. Ice Bear sits and notices Panda duckfacing with a piece of bamboo, taking a selfie. Panda looks at Ice Bear.]
[Panda leaves. Ice Bear puts on a bib and opens his mouth]
Ice Bear: Ahhh...
[Ice Bear moves his mouth towards the seal. The seal barks, and Ice Bear stops. It tilts its head and licks Ice Bear. Ice Bear closes his mouth and stares at the seal]
[Cut to Grizz lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling]
Grizz, thinking to himself: You're strong. You're cool. You're Grizz. There's more to life than snacks. There's flowers, there's astronatus, there's bees. Are tiny honeybees floating in infinite space? Maybe I should build a time machine. I could travel to the future when this cleanse is over. Just me, a bunch of pizzas and my flying car. Wait, who's that driving behind me? You can't have my pizza! It's mine, it's mine!
[He begins sniffing]