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Charlie (episode)/Transcript

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This is a transcribed copy of the episode "Charlie (episode)".

Feel free to add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "My Clique" Next: "Brother Up"
Charlie (episode) Gallery Transcript

(Panda Bear is sleeping in his bed and murmuring)

Panda: Oh Alyssa....you're such a beautiful queen....

(Panda suddenly gets flipped off his bed)

Panda: Whaa! Whats going on?!

Grizzly: Good morning! That's your new bed floor! We're going to need this for our guest.

Panda: Huh? What guest?

(Ice Bear walks in wearing a flower headband and apron.)

Ice Bear: Ice Bear woke up like this, but why?

Grizzly: Because we got lots to do! Here, take this bucket of soaps, sprays, and this mop and start in the living room! Hurry, we don't have much time!

Panda: Grizzly, what's this all about?

(Grizzly goes on the computer and show his brothers the CaveShare website.)

Grizzly: It's called CaveShare. It's like an online bed and breakfast. People from all around the world go here, looking for places to stay. We'll have some cool people go crash with us, and we'll make a little money on the side. It's a win-win. So here's our page. I was up all night making photos, our free potential breakfast, semi private bathroom, share living area where we all hang out and party, and  a print-sized bed.

Panda: Hey! Grizzly, why do you want strangers in our place?

Ice Bear: Ice Bear hates sharing.

Grizzly: Guys, come on, we'll make life-long friends, and we get to show all this cool stuff on our pad. Like this pillow I made of us.

Ice Bear: Ice Bear wouldn't show that off.

Laptop: *Ding!*

Grizzly: *gasp* Look at that, we got a request! I am so excited, my face hurts!

Panda: Who is it?

Grizzly: Charlie! Let's see what he looks like. Blurry, he must move around a lot. He likes nature, and I guess bushes. Accept it!

Panda: Wait, no! How is this even safe?

Ice Bear: Ice Bear will protect you.

(Someone knocks on door)

Grizzly: Oh my gosh, he's here!

Panda: That was way too fast.

Grizzly: Come on, Pan, look presentable please. Okay, get ready!

(Grizzly opens the door)

Grizzly: Hello- uh. Huh, look at the size of that foot print

Panda (whilst looking out a window): Hmm, I don't see anyone out there, I mean-

(Charlie pops up on the other side of the window and scares Panda)

Panda: AHH! 

(Charlie then walks up to the open door where Grizzly and Ice Bear are standing.)

Charlie: Hey guys! (He walks into The Bear Cave and closes the door) Cave Share? Is this the right place? (Knocks on the door) Ah, nice sturdy woodwork you got here.

Grizzly: Ah, thanks man. Uh, my name's-

Charlie: You must be Grizzly, Charlie it's a pleasure, really is. Golly, would you just look at this place! Rustic, charming. (Points to Ice Bear's headband) Ah, slick headband by the way. Man, I gotta tell you guys, I knew this place would be perfect the moment I saw it. This is gonna be great! Well, time to check out the new digs. Quite a lot of windows ya'll got. (He walks past a window and closes the curtains on it. He then grabs a picture of The Bears and Lucy) Say, this your girlfriend big man?

Panda: Umm, I don't have a girlfriend at the moment...

Charlie: Hehaha, yeah yeah that makes more sense. Ahaha...

(Panda grunts)

Grizzly: Hey Charlie, you want anything? A snack maybe?

Charlie: Nah nah, thanks man I got it don't trouble yourself. (He gets a jar of something from the fridge and tastes it) Wow is this homemade!? (He then puts it on the table, he opens a cupboard and something falls out) Oops, oh lost it. (He then ducks and opens another cupboard) Oh-oh! What's in here, no way Cheese Poofies how did you know my favorite snack? (He opens the jar and sniffs the scent of them.) Mmm, mwah oh that is fresh, that is choice. (He then eats some and walks back over to The Bears Oh my gosh, that was so rude of me (He spits out the Cheese Poofies) Ya'll mind if I eat this?

Grizzly: Well, you're our guest, of course, you're welcome to whatever-

Charlie: Fantastic. (He begins to eat the Cheese Poofies again, then sits on the couch.) Ah, you guys are excellent hosts. I already feel right at home. (Sneezes) Is this couch hypoallergenic? (Wipes cheese dust on the couch) That's kind of a big concern for me. Have you ever heard of dust mites? They're probably crawling all over this thing.

Grizzly: Well, I don't know about that. But I do know it's time for a photo of our first CaveShare guest! Say cheese, buddy!

Charlie: (Smacks the camera away) Say, y'all got any games?

(They sit at the table with a board game)

Charlie: Lucky seven, lucky seven, lucky seven! Blow for luck? (Looks at Ice Bear) No? Alright! (Rolls dice) C'mon baby, let's see that seven! Woo! (Moves piece on the board) I'll just move that over here, and I'll be taking that from you. (Takes fake money from Panda) Say goodbye to Panda! Bye, Panda!

Panda: So Charlie, where are you from?

Charlie: Uhh, you know... here, there, you know how it is. (Clears throat) 

Grizzly: Uh, yeah! Totally. Well, my brothers and I would love to hear any stories you got about your life. (Rolls dice) Do you have any good ones?

Charlie: (Tapping hands) Nuh-uh.

Grizzly: Well, I'm gonna go get us some pretzels.

Charlie: (Stands up, knocking over the table) Oh, let me get that for ya!

Grizzly: (Nervous laugh) It's almost dinner time, anyway. You know?

(Pans to outside, front view of the cave. A man with a camera takes pictures of Charlie's footprints, and of the cave.)

Charlie: -So he backs up his truck all the way off the cliff, right off the edge! (Imitates explosion) He didn't know how to drive.

Panda: Uh-huh. So, what happened to him?

Charlie: Who?

Panda: (Throws arms up) The truck guy!

Charlie: I dunno. It's not like I knew him.

(Panda grunts, rests his face on the table)

Grizzly: Well, I thought it was a great story. 

Ice Bear: Ice Bear's special soup is ready. (Puts pot on table)

Charlie: Well, don't mind if I do! (Scoops soup into his bowl, slurping it) Hmm. You know what this needs? Little touch of that orange poofy magic. (Sprinkles cheese dust into his bowl) Mm, here, let me get that for you. (Sprinkles cheese dust into the pot, swirling it with his finger) Hey, great soup, champ. You guys, I just wanna say, Grizz, Pan-Man, and... you, you guys are great. I've only been here for like three hours, and I already feel this connection, you know?

Grizzly: Aww, it has been so cool getting to know you. I know I speak for my whole family-

Ice Bear: You don't speak for Ice Bear.

Grizzly: -When I tell you how much fun it's been having you stay with us in our little cave. 

(Panda picks up his phone)

Charlie: (Smacks the phone into Panda's bowl, knocking over the cheese poofies with his foot) 

Panda: Um...

Charlie: So do you guys like any podcasts?

(Pans to Grizz turning the light off in Panda's room)

Grizzly: Alright boys, anything else you need?

Charlie: (Waves) Nope, all good here. Good night buddy!

Grizzly: Sleep tight, guys. (Leaves)

Charlie: So Panda, tell me about yourself. I've always found that the best conversations happen under the cover of darkness. Here, I'll start. Sometimes I feel insecure because I feel like the fur on my left side is longer than the fur on my right side. I have a recurring dream that I'm a telephone pole. Is that weird? Also, my head's a little too big for most hats. (Laughs) So why do you think you don't have a girlfriend? Wait wait, before you answer, I gotta run to the bathroom real quick. Hold that thought. 

(Panda closes his eyes. A flushing noise is heard, with Charlie saying "oh no!" in the background)

Charlie: (Taps Panda) Uh, hey man, sorry, quick question. What should I do if the water in the toilet isn't in the toilet anymore? Actually, wait, I think I got it. Sorry. Good night! (Leaves)

(Another flushing noise is heard, with Charlie saying "oh man")

Charlie: Update, so now the water's sorta everywhere and is moving into the living room. Thoughts?

(Panda grunts)

Charlie: I'm gonna try and put it back in. (Pulls away Panda's pillow) Just gonna bother this real quick. 

(Charlie leaves momentarily, going "uh, yup" then returning with the wet pillow, sliding it under Panda's head)

Charlie: There you go. Also, you're out of toilet paper. 

(Pans to morning)

Grizzly: Ugh, I had a rough night. I kept hearing the toilet flushing and splashing or something. How'd you sleep, Panda?

(Panda appears wet, wrapped in a towel)

Grizzly: Oh. Alright, don't worry about it man. I'll make you some nice coffee and we'll-

(Pans to Charlie on the couch, surrounded with woodland animals)

Charlie: Oh, good morning you two! I've made us some coffee. (Spills coffee) Oops. (Laughs, watching a rabbit lick at the puddle) That'll wash out. Also, I hope you don't mind that I invited a few friends over. They wanted to check out the pad. 

(Ice Bear enters)

Charlie: Ah, good morning sunshine! Would you mind whipping up some snacks for us? More friends came than I thought.

(Ice Bear takes a broom and smacks away at the animals. They scurry out.)

Panda: (Grunts) You know what, that's it? Out you go!

(Panda opens the front door, revealing paparazzi. He shuts it)

Panda: What's going on?!

Grizzly: Huh. (Peeks out the curtain) There's all these people outside.

Photographer: (Presses up against the window) Hey, is he there?

Grizzly: Uh, what do you want?

Photographer: Oh, we're looking for a tall guy, hairy, really big feet... we followed his footprints here.

Grizzly: A really tall guy? (Looks at Panda and Ice Bear)

Photographer: Do you know him?

(Grizzly shuts the curtain. Him, Ice Bear, and Panda look at the trail of cheese dust footprints. Grizz opens the door to Panda's room. Crying noises are heard from Charlie. Charlie's feet stick out from under the bed, which is otherwise surrounded with stuffed animals and pillows)

Grizzly: Uh, Charlie?

(Charlie pulls his feet under the bed)

Grizzly: (Kneels down by the bed, pulling away a pillow to look at Charlie) Hey...

(Charlie moves the pillow back)

Grizzly: (Moves the pillow again) Charlie, what's going on?

Charlie: Sorry, sorry, sorry. (Hugging a pillow) I didn't do anything. I don't know these guys, I really don't. People just follow me, won't leave me alone. They ruin everything. I can't do anything to stop this. I just hide, wake up, get a little more used to being alone, then run to hide again. I'm sorry for leading them here. I should've moved on ages ago, but I was having so much fun. Finally I made some friends, and I screwed it up again. I'll get out of your hair soon. You won't have to see me again.

(Grizzly looks at Ice Bear and Panda, worried, then looks back at Charlie)

Grizzly: We'll take care of it man. Just, stay right here.

(Pans to Grizzly opening the front door)

Grizzly: (Waves his arms) Excuse me! Can I have your attention?

Ice Bear: (Sprays the paparazzi with water)

Grizzly: Whoever you are looking for, is not here. So you can all leave.

Photographer: What're these footprints, then?

Photographer #2: And that distinctive smell?

Photographer #3: And that hair over there. We don't believe you, we know he's in here somewhere!

Grizzly: Oh. Uh, that is Panda's girlfriend.

Panda: What?

Grizzly: Her name is Princess.

Photographer: Yeah? Prove it! We know he's in here somewhere.

(Paparazzi start chanting "prove it")

Grizzly: Please calm down, everyone.

(Charlie comes out of the room, with cheese dust and blush on his face. He has a mop wig and a pink robe on)

Charlie: Excuse me? What's going on out here, babe? Who are these people? Babe?

(Grizzly and Ice Bear look at Panda)

Panda: What, me?

Photographer: See? No way that thing's anyone's girlfriend. It's hideous.

Charlie: Thing? (Starts sniffling, tearing up. Ice Bear pats him on the back)

Panda: (Grunts) How dare you talk to my princess that way? Hmmph! (Gently smacks the photographer, then moves over to Charlie) This lady is most definitely my girlfriend. If she wasn't, how come I know that she's so self-conscious about the size of her head? Or that her fur is asymmetrical? Or that she dreams about being a telephone pole, doesn't know how to flush the toilet properly? And she's always using my toothbrush, even though she knows that her's is the blue handle! And she's just so inconsiderate sometimes. I just hate her!

Charlie: I didn't know you felt this way about me!

(They both start sobbing and yelling "I'm sorry", hugging each other)

Photographer: Um, we're gonna get out of your hair.

Grizzly: Yeah, maybe you should. 

(The paparazzi leaves, and Ice Bear kicks the door shut. Panda pulls away from the hug with cheese dust in the shape of a sad face on his shoulder)

(Pans to Grizzly putting cheese poofies in Charlie's backpack)

Grizzly: There you go! All set.

Charlie: Hey, thanks for the gear. I'm sorry I can't stay longer, but I've been here too long already.

Grizzly: No worries, we're glad you stayed! (Hugs Charlie) You were the best first guest we could've asked for. (Ice Bear joins the hug)

Charlie: Aw, thanks you guys! 

Grizzly: Take care, big guy.

Charlie: You too, man!

Panda: Uhh... it was nice to meet you. (Fistbumps Charlie) 

Charlie: Yeah, it was good.

(Charlie pats Panda on the back of his head, then starts walking away)

Grizzly: Leave us a good review on CaveShare!

Charlie: Okay! (Waves)

(Panda waves back, then all three return inside the cave. They close the curtains and door. Grizzly is heard saying "lock the door")

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