Crowbar Jones Gallery Transcript
This is a transcribed copy of the episode "Crowbar Jones".

Feel free to add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "The Kitty" Next: "Kyle (episode)"

[The episode begins at nighttime with a full shot of the Bears' cave. Water can be heard running during the shot until it is turned off. The shot changes to the inside of the cave with the bathroom door to the right of the shot]

[Grizz walks out of the shower wrapped in a towel, and with another towel wrapped around his head]

Grizz: (Scatting) (Opens the fridge) Huh, so many choices...

[A silhouette dashes behind Grizz]

Grizz: (Confused) Huh?... Hello?... Anyone there?

[Another Grizz jumps in the scene wearing a black full-body ninja suit]

Ninja Grizz: AHA!

Grizz: (Steps back, startled, and lets out a gasp)

Ninja Grizz: Hello, my friend. I've been sent here to destroy you.

Grizz: Oh, then, allow me to introduce myself... HI-YAH!

[Grizz swiftly rips off his towel, throwing it at the ninja Grizz]

Ninja Grizz: (Takes the towel off of his head) (Grows shocked expression) It can't be...

Crowbar Jones: My name... (Rips the towel on his head off, revealing his gray hair) is Crowbar Jones, and I'm the bear that's gonna bring you down.

Ninja Grizz: (Throws some punches while grunting)

Crowbar Jones: (Whips the ninja Grizz with the towel two times)

[Second hit results with a delayed reaction from ninja Grizz, eventually falling over and onto his back]

Crowbar Jones: Who sent you?!

[Recording gets reversed a few times, causing Crowbar Jones to repeat that same phrase; episode now set in actual reality]

Grizz: (Laughs excitingly) This's looking so good! A few tweaks here and there and the world will see my masterpiece!

[Panda walks into the scene]

Panda: Hey, Grizz, do you where all the bedsheets went? I-I can't find any of them... Wh- You're making another "Crowbar Jones"? (Grows a stern look) Wait, Pando isn't in this one, right?

Grizz: Who, Pando? No no--

Pando (on Computer): AAH! No, I love her, even though I know absolutely nothing about her or-- WOO! (Falls over)

Grizz: Oooh, that Pando, yeah, he's totally in it.

Panda: (Annoyed) Ugh, come on, maaan! Why are you always embarrassing me?! UGH! (Throws face into paws)

Grizz: Ooh, don't worry, P-Man! I promise; he's really great in this one!

Panda: Ugh, whatever, as long as nobody sees this.

[Ice Bear walks into the scene carrying a tray that is holding bags of popcorn]

Ice Bear: Popcorn is ready.

Grizz: Perfect! (Closes laptop)

Panda: (Puzzled) Wait, popcorn? What's happening?

Grizz: Okay, it's showtime! [Walks away with Ice Bear while carrying his laptop]

Panda: Wait, what??

[Shot is now outside. Ice Bear walks out from the cave first while the other bears follow along]

Grizz: (Offers laptop to Ice Bear) Hey, can you hook this up?

Ice Bear: (Takes laptop and continues walking)

Panda: Seriously, guys, what's goin' on-- (Gasps audibly)

[Shot pans out, revealing various humans and animals sitting on their blankets while looking at the homemade movie screen. A projector rests behind everyone as it shines its light on the screen]

Panda: (Dumbfounded) Grizz, what's happening?

Grizz: It's my focus group! They're gonna make my film better by giving me feedback.

Panda: Bu...B-B-No-But--

Grizz: (Hugs Panda) Trust me, people are gonna fall in love with Pando! I promise! Just have a seat, and enjoy the movie!

Panda: (Grumbles angrily as he walks away)

[Grizz walks up in front of the blank projected screen]

Grizz: Uhh, hello everyone! I am Grizz, heh! Welcome, to the premiere of "Crowbar Jones 2: Another Reckoning"! This film has been a real labor of love for me: A lotta action and solid fight scenes. Most of all, there's a lot of great characters, one, in particular, that really shines in the sequel.

Panda: (Annoyed) Buugh, yeah, right...

Grizz: Oh, and my bro is serving free popcorn in the back! Great job, little bro.

Ice Bear: [Tosses some popcorn behind him]

Grizz: Okay! Well, without further ado, I give you... "Crowbar Jones".

[The movie begins with a countdown from three]

Grizz (Narrator): In a city consumed by crime, "AH, HELP!", only one bear has the power to bring order to chaos... "HI-YAH!" CROWBAR JOOOONES! Beartropolis, the year's 2034. Crime is running rampant through the streets, but what crime wasn't expecting was CROWBAR JONES! "HI-YAH!"

President: Congratulations, Crowbar Jones, you've done it again! Now, the world is a safer place because of you, chip-chip-cheerio!

Crowbar Jones: I'm just doing my job, sir. (Winks)

President: A job well done deserves recognition and a medal of awesomeness! Also, your album went platinum while you were saving the world.

Crowbar Jones: Aw, stop it, this is too much. I couldn't've done it without my trusty sidekick, Pando.

[Pando walks into the scene carrying a jar of pickles]

Pando: Oh, thank you, Mr. Crowbar!

[Switches out of movie to real world]

Panda: Hu-Huh?

The Mailman: Oooh, not half bad!

[Switches back to the movie]

Pando: Would either of you like a pickle? (Hits himself with pickle lid) GAAH!

Crowbar Jones: (Lightly laughs) Classic Pando.

[Switches back to reality]

Pando (in Background): AAAAAAH! O-oh, my butt! My Faaace!

[Rabbits to the side of Panda are laughing]

Panda: (Face falls into paws, annoyed) Ughhh, all right, here we go...

[Switches back to the movie]

President: Ah, you guys are the best. It also makes me wanna give you the keys to my Ferrari Turbo!

Crowbar Jones: Aw, Mr. President, we just couldn't... wait a second, the President would never give out his Ferrari Turbo to anyone! (Grabs ahold of the President) WHO ARE YOU?! WHERE'S THE REAL PRESIDENT?! (Rips Mr. President's head off)

[Reveals that Mr. President was a fake]

Crowbar Jones: I knew it, a danger-bot. (Talks in Pando's voice) What does this mean, Mr. Crowbar? (Shifts back to original voice) It means that the President... has been kidnapped.

[Switches back to reality, Grizz checks out one of the groups]

Grizz: Psst...

The Mailman: Wha?

Grizz: (Whispers) You guys good with popcorn and drinks? (Hops to another group) Do you need more pillows? Just holla at 'cha boy if you need anything. (Runs to Ice Bear) Quick, man, can you make more popcorn? Looks like people are runnin' low. (Hops to Panda) Hey!

Panda: (Gets startled and yelps)

Grizz: What do you think?

Panda: (Annoyed) Dude, everyone is laughing at Pando.

Grizz: Cool, right? Heh, he's the comedy relief.

Pando (in Background): Oh, look, there's a sale on rat traps!

[Sounds of rat traps going off can be heard]

Pando (in Background): AH! AH! AH!

[Switches back to the movie]

Grizz (Narrator): Meanwhile, back at the base...

Crowbar Jones: Who kidnapped the President? Could it've been Agent Cobra? Maybe it was my old nemesis, Nafario Dawson. Ah, just doesn't make sense, have you found anything, Pando?

Pando: Not really. The security camera didn't pick up anything unusual.

Crowbar Jones: Wait a second, let me see the computer!

[Computer screen comes into scene]

Crowbar Jones: There! Enhance!

[A magnifying glass goes over Mr. President]

Crowbar Jones: "Evil Robot Headquarters"?! Huh, this goes deeper than I thought. Come on, Pando, let's head to the lab. (Jumps into a trash can, and sinks down into it)

Pando: Right behind you, Mr. Jones! (Dives head first into the trash can)

[Segways to a connection of "pipes" that lead to the lab]

Crowbar Jones: GAH! (Rises up from the trash can, falls over, but gets up immediately) Hello, Agent W.

Pando: ...I'm stuck, Crowbar.

Agent W: Ah, Mr. Jones, late as usual.

Crowbar Jones: "Fashionably late", you mean?

Agent W: No, not really. Alright, here you go. (Tosses over two "jetpacks")

[Crowbar Jones catches his, but Pando gets struck in the face by his]

Agent W: Ended up doing some modifications to the jetpack.

Crowbar Jones: (Pulls out a weight) What's this weight for?

Agent W: That's to maintain your totally sweet, ripped bod, my good man.

Crowbar Jones: Mmm-hmmm, good thinking, W. I'll do a few thousand reps on my way there. (Puts weight back)

Crowbar Jones's Girlfriend: Better come back in one piece, ya hear?

Crowbar Jones: Of course, I promised my girlfriend an ice cream date. (Holds onto his girlfriend)

Crowbar Jone's Girlfriend: You're not coming back, I just know it. I hate you!

Crowbar Jones: I love you! (Voice switch) I hate you! (Voice switch) I love you!

[Switches back to reality with those two phrases constantly repeating. Some groups awkwardly look at each other]

Panda: (Playing a game on his phone, but fails) Oh ma--

[Grizz comes in and snatches Panda's phone out of his paws]

Panda: HEY!

Grizz: (Displeased) (Whispering) Dude, I can hear you playing from over there. I'll give you your phone back after the movie.

Panda: (Angry) (Whispering) Why would I wanna watch a movie that's constantly making fun of me?! (Tries getting his phone back)

Grizz: (Extends his arm away from Panda) (Whispering) Just watch! Be supportive, man! (Walks away)

Panda: (Falls over) No, you be supportive!

[A group in front of Panda are looking at him quietly laughing to themselves]

Random Male: (Whispering) Hey, look man, it's the guy. Look at him, it's the guy.

Panda: (Hides into his arms while he angrily grumbles to himself)

[Switches back to the movie]

Crowbar Jones: (Moves around with his jetpack on while he makes "wooshing" sounds)


Crowbar Jones: (Comes back onto scene with a wetsuit and a snorkel on) Get it together, Pando. Now, let's dive! (Rips jetpack off and falls)

[Both fall into "the ocean" where both the "Evil Robot HQ" and a "killer fish" reside. The "killer fish" catches Pando with their mouth]

Crowbar Jones: Haha, seems like you made a new friend, Pando.

Pando: Ahh! If only I knew how to swim!

Panda (in Background): WHAT!?!

[Switches back to reality]

Panda: (Stands up) (Angry) WHA-- THAT'S NOT TRUE! I DO KNOW HOW TO SWIM!

[The entire audience begins indistinctively shouting and booing at Panda]

Panda: (Sits back down, completely frustrated)

[Switches back to the movie, Crowbar Jones breaks into Evil Robot HQ]

Crowbar Jones: We're here! Okay, Pando, I gotta find someplace to freshen up.

Pando: Oooh, my phone got wet!

Crowbar Jones: (Stops rolling and sits up) "Evil Robot Spa"? Don't mind if I do. (Enters)

[The water starts and the room itself instantly gets steamy. Crowbar Jones proceeds to take off his wetsuit more and more until fully nude. The camera getting shots of Crowbar Jones's various body parts.]

Grizz (Narrator): (Provocative) Awww yeah, check out those biceps...~ Yeah, you know...~ Crowbar Jones. Now, do me a little tiny favor and break it down~

[Switches back to reality]

The Mailman: Ugh, what?!

Random Male: Ugh, what's goin' on?

Random Female: Ugh, what is happening?!

Other Female: Let's get outta here.

[Many groups begin getting up and leaving the movie]

Grizz: (Confused) Are people going to the bathroom? They're gonna miss the best part! (Gasps when he sees even more people are leaving) (Panicking) No! No no no no! Please don't go, I promise it's gonna get better! (Runs over to other people leaving) There's a cool explosion at the end! (Falls onto knees) Wait! I-I swear this is a family film!... I worked really hard on it....

[Saddened, Grizz walks away through the bushes. Ice Bear watches Grizz leave while Panda walks up to Ice Bear]

Panda: (Angry) Okay, where's Grizz? He's gone too far this time!

Ice Bear: (Points where Grizz went)

[A depressed Grizz is seen sitting on a tree stump]

Panda: (Piqued) Grizz, I got beef with you, man! Pando was a HUGE misrepresentation of who I am! I don't spend all my time on the phone, I'm not clumsy, and I DO know how to swim!

Grizz: It's okay, bro. I think I'm just gonna... throw the movie in the trash anyways...

Panda: (Puzzled) ...Wait... really?

Grizz: (Sniffles) The audience has spoken. Everyone hates my movie. All that hard work for nothing... It's all good, guys...

Panda: (Sympathetic) Oh, I mean, you don't... have to throw it out. It's not that bad a film.

Grizz: Really?

Panda: Yeah, in a childlike sorta way.

Ice Bear: Ice Bear gives it five...ish stars.

Grizz: ..... (Walks up and hugs Panda) Thanks, you guys.

Ice Bear: (Hugs Panda as well)

Panda: (Lets out a light chuckle)

Grizz: Panda, I promise that for the next Crowbar film, I'll make Pando even more heroic.

Panda: Cool, man. I look forward to it. So, do you wanna get these people out of here, or...

Grizz: (Smirking while pondering) Huh... or maybe we don't have to wait that long... hmm...

Panda: (Confused) Uhhhhh, not sure if I follow...

Ice Bear: (Begins pondering and smirking) Hmm...

Panda: ...Guys...?

[Cuts back to the people watching the movie]

Crowbar Jones: Who sent you?!

Random Male: Well, I know how this one's gonna end. Let's get outta here.

[Grizz pulls the plug, causing the entire area to go dark and the movie to shut off. The lights come on once again with Grizz and Ice Bear appearing in front of the people. Grizz is dressed up as Crowbar Jones, and Ice Bear is dressed up as the ninja]

Crowbar Jones: I won't ask you again, bro--  umm.. I mean, ninja.

[Ice Bear kicks Grizz away, causing Grizz to jump back]

[Ice Bear rips off his left sleeve]

Crowbar Jones: (Flabbergasted) No, it can't be. They're mixing robot DNA with ninja DNA! That's just evil!

[Both begin "fighting" each other until Ice Bear knocks Grizz down. Ice Bear points his "claws" at Grizz]

Panda: Not so fast!

Audience: Huh?

[Panda emerges from the shadows, and is dressed up as Pando]

Pando: You are in a world of trouble, buddy!

Crowbar Jones: Pandooo!

Pando: That's right! Get ready to feel the true of the Pa-- Uh-WHOA!

[Panda trips over a rock and rolls forward. Ice Bear acts as though he was hit]

Ninja: Aaaaaahh!

Crowbar Jones: Woah, Pando's infamous fireball kick! Awesome move, Pando!

Pando: (Lightly stammering) Yeah, totally meant to do that, so, hehe.

[Ice Bear rises from the ground]

Ninja: Beep beep, brrrr, bzzzzt... beep beep.

Crowbar Jones: Let's take this ninja to Justice Town!

[All begin slowly running towards each other]

Crowbar Jones & Pando: Raaaaahhh!!

Ninja: Aaaaahhh!!

[All begin grunting as they "fight" each other]

Ninja: (Tosses electrical and metal particles) Zap, zap, short circuit. (Falls)

[Grizz & Panda give each other a high-five]

Pando: Yeah!

[Chalkboard walks by saying "The next day..."]

President: Finally, the world is once again a safer place. Thanks to you, Crowbar Jones.

Crowbar Jones: Well, it's like I always say, saving the world is not a one-bear job. Pando here is as big a hero as any one of us. I owe you my life.

Pando: Oh, thank you, Grizz-- Oh! I mean, Crowbar Jones!

Crowbar Jones: (Laughs)

[Ninja emerges from the background, and tosses a dart at Crowbar Jones. Pando jumps in front of Crowbar Jones, and takes the hit from the dart. Pando falls to the ground]

Crowbar Jones: (Concerned) No! Pando, speak to me, buddy!

Pando: I feel... so cold... (Coughs)

Crowbar Jones: Don't go into the light, buddy. You got your whole life ahead of you.

Pando: In the words of a great poet, life is--

[Crowbar Jones places his paw on Pando's mouth]

Crowbar Jones: Shhhhh, shh shh shh shhh... Good night, sweet prince. Go to sleep...

[Pando goes limp on the ground. Crowbar Jones picks up Pando from the ground]

Crowbar Jones: PANDOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[Chalkboard walks by saying, "The End" with the ninja having a red "?" drawn on his body. The audience roars with applause as the brothers smile and take a bow]

Transcript Completed on October 11th of 2017