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The Fair Gallery Transcript
This is a transcribed copy of the episode "The Fair".

Feel free to add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Lucy's Brother" Next: "Private Lake"

[The episode starts with a shot of the entrance of the Boise Fair.]

[Ice Bear and Panda as cubs are in their box and Grizz is standing outside of the box.]

Grizz: Step right up, folks, step right up! Come see the adorable bears for sale! Just 25 cents! For free, even!

Panda: Whatever fits into your budget.

Grizz: Alright bros, time to step up our game. Do a cute pose, Pan Pan!

[Drum Roll]

[Panda puts one paw on one cheek, one paw next to his eye, and winks.]

Grizz: Adorable! Now you little bro! [Points to Ice]

[Drum Roll]

[Ice Bear squishes his cheeks.]

Grizz: Oh! So adorable! Hey mister! Wanna buy three adorable bears for 25 cents?

Guy: Huh? Oh, uh... 

[He pulls a quarter out of his pocket and looks at the bears.]

Panda, Grizz, and Ice: Yeah! Yeah! Do it! Do It! Come on! Come on! Please! Please!

[His glance shifts to a genie machine.]

Panda, Grizz, and Ice: Wait! No, no, no! Over here! Yeah, us!

[He goes back and forth , the bears basically saying the same thing, until he finally chooses the genie machine. He puts his quarter into the slot and the machine shakes to life.]

Genie: You are making great financial decisions today.

Guy: Oh, sweet!

[He walks away and Grizz grunts in frustration.]

Grizz: Every single time! Curse you psychic machine! [He grunts twice again and snaps his stick in half.]

Panda: Dang Grizz, you're strong! Have you been working out?

Grizz: Oh, uh, yeah man! Feel my 'ceps.

[He holds his arm up to Panda to feel and Panda squeezes his arm.]

Panda: Woah. Toned.

[Another guy walks by.]

Grizz: Hey mister, wanna feel my muscles?

Man: No.

Grizz: [Sighs] Not even my muscles can get us adopted. [Sighs]

Panda: [Sighs]

{A girl giggles across the walk at a fair game. Ice points to her.]

Grizz and Panda: Huh?

Grizz: What is is, bro?

[The fair attendant hands the girl a prize she won.]

Girl: [Giggles and hugs the prize.] I love him! Thank you! I'm gonna name him Vavi!

[A lightbulb appears over Grizz's head and shatters.]

Grizz: That's it, guys! We just got to become game prizes and somebody's bound to win us and take us home! I'm so smart! Let's roll.

[Panda and Ice climb out of the box.]

Grizz: Stupid psychic machine!

[He picks up a rock and throws it at the machine. It leaves a small dent.]

Panda: [To psychic machine] Why do people even like you? So dumb.

[They walk away.]

Genie: [Shakes to life] You will never be adopted!

[The scene changes to all three bears walking into the area with the fair games.]

Grizz: All right, let's see what we have here.

[A balloon pops and they look over to the darts game.]

Grizz: What about that one?

Panda: Looks too hard.

[Grizz points to another game.]

Grizz: Maybe that one?

[A shot of a clown game comes up.]

Panda: That one's scary.

Grizz: You're right. Hmm, okay, let's see.

[He looks around the fair.]

Grizz: We need to find the easiest game.

Lewis: This is the easiest game! Um, ball toss? Test your skills! Uh, ball toss. You take the ball, and you toss! Even a pet fish could do it!

[A woman who was walking by starts crying and runs away.]

Lewis: Oh my gosh, did something happen to your fish? Oh, I'm so sorry.

[He slumps and hits his head on the counter, defeated.]

Grizz: Wow, what a loser. He's perfect! Alright bros, stay professional.

[Ice cracks his neck and they all walk over.]

Lewis: [Weakly] Ball toss. Toss a ball. Please?

Grizz: Oh man. You really gotta work on your sales pitch.

[Lewis shoots up.]

Lewis: Aah! What the- Oh man, don't do that. What do you guys want?

Panda: We can help you, you know. Um, Louise?

Lewis: It's, uh, Lewis.It- it says it right here. [He holds out his name tag.]

Panda: Hey! We can read.

Lewis: Uh, okay look, uh, you guys really can't stand there.

Grizz: My dear Lewis, what is Pan Pan trying to say is that we can help bring in customers!

Lewis: What? [Laughs] How are you gonna-[Deep breath] No, no, no, no. I am not gonna listen to some baby bears.

[The bears argue as Lewis pushes them away.]

[Two teenage girls walk up to the booth.]

Girl #1: Oh, wow! Are those the prizes? Aww! They're so cute!

Lewis: I-I'm sorry?

Girl #2: Yes, those bears- are they the prizes?

Lewis: Um, no.

[The bears turn around and wave.]

Grizz: We can be the prizes! Try to win us! Only $2 to play the game!

Girl #1: Wow! Only $2! That's such a great deal.

Girl #2: Yeah. We'd totally play for those bears.

Girl #1: For sure!

Lewis: Uh, r-r-really? Um, could you excuse us for a moment? [He grabs the bears and brings them to the back of the booth.] Alright bears, I'll make you a deal. You can stay, if you help bring in customers.

Grizz: Well, just until someone wins us, right? We're trying to get adopted.

Lewis: Huh? Adopted. Oh, yeah. Sure. Right.

Grizz: Ok Lewis, you got a mic?

Panda: And some fresh beats?

Lewis: Uh, yeah, I think so.

Grizz: All right, you got yourself a deal, Lewis.

Lewis: Deal.

[Grizz and Lewis shake hands.]

Lewis: Hmm, strong grip.

[Ice Bear starts a hip-hop song on a stereo. Grizz and Panda pull on small shirts from the stuffed animal prizes and start rapping/singing and dancing. A crowd appears.] *Italics mean song lyrics.

Grizz: Aww yeah! Coming straight from the fair. Playing games and taking names.You wanna be next? Tell 'em Pan.

Panda & Grizz: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Panda: It's Pan Pan coming up first, You should win the game by the end of this verse. Kickin' mad rhymes, never ever rehearsed. It's time to get to work. Take your best shot, try hard, win the prize take us home to your backyard. You like bears? Everybody does. Take a look at my little bro, covered in fuzz. [Throughout the song people are playing the game, trying to knock down the bottles, but failing.]

Grizz: [Faintly] So cute!

[Ice squishes his cheeks.]

Panda: Three bears barely breaking a sweat. Everybody's jocking us 'cause we're the best. But I'm already talking too much. Let me let my bro get some of this flavor.

Grizz: Yeah, boyyyyyyy! Okay, okay, nobody's won yet, but you're looking super lucky today. Let's see if you can give it a try!

Panda: Play the game. Three balls, three tries, three bears, your prize. You could take us home right now, come on Grizz, get on the mic and tell 'em how.

Grizz: Anyone could play this game, just watch now. Take a throw and the balls get knocked down. It's easy as 1, 2, 3, step 3 being taking bears home, you see. Come on! Step right up, just take a chance, you could win big time, cancel all plans. There's nothing more important you gotta do than pay the man, throw the ball, and win too. When it comes to prizes bears are the best ones, not stuffed, but the kind that can have fun. You know, let's show these nice people what real fun looks like!

Panda & Grizz: Play the game. Bust it, Grizz, bust it, Grizz, bust it! Kick it, Pan, kick it, Pan, kick it! Go little bro, go little bro, go! Go little bro, go little bro, go! Bust it, Grizz, bust it, Grizz, bust it! Kick it, Pan, kick it, Pan, kick it! Go little bro, go little bro, go! Go little bro, go little bro, go!

[They finish their song and a ball flies over their head.]

Grizz: Waaahhhhggghhh! Please people, it ain't that hard! Is our dancing not inspiring enough!? Ok, you actually have muscles. [He punches the guy's arm.] Come on, win it, for us!

[He throws the ball with a grunt and it hits the stack of bottles square on, but they don't move. Ice Bear looks like he's suspecting the game is rigged.]

Grizz: How could this be? Auggghhhh! [He snaps his microphone in half and throws it.]

Muscle Guy: Wow, kid, you're strong. You bench?

Grizz: I not bench. I bear. Now begone with you! [Sighs] Dang it, Pan Pan. I just want to be won so bad.

Panda: I know. We just gotta be patient, I guess. So should we dance again, or something?

Grizz and Panda: Huh?

[They walk over to where Ice is trying to push the bottles over. They join in, but can't push them down.]

Grizz: Hmm. [He punches the bottles nice and kicks the bottles once, before he hears a crunch of his bone.]

Grizz: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! What the heck? [He notices that the bottles are glued together and gasps.] Lewis? What is this baloney? This is rigged! [Lewis was petting the cash.]

Lewis: Hey, hey, hey. Um, pipe down you pipsqueaks. Yeah, the game is rigged, but we can't have people just go and win everything. That- that's just bad business.

Grizz: W-what? You cheater! You- You sneak! You- you... [He looks over at an Ice Pop cart with a bell on the top.] ...dingle!

Lewis: Hey man, this is a family friendly establishment.

Panda: But if no one ever wins, that means we'll never be adopted.

Lewis: Yeah, well, too bad. You're bringing in the moolah, so you're staying here!

Grizz: No! We don't have to listen to you. You're not our dad! Nobody is! Come on bros, let's go elsewhere.

[Lewis has a fantasy of him driving a sports car with girls next to him and money flowing out of his car.]

Lewis: I-I-I-I can't allow that! [He grabs Panda and Ice by the back of their shirts.] You're staying, whether you like it or not! [He hangs Ice and Panda on one of the prize hooks.]

Panda: What- no! Let us down! Help! Grizz!

[Lewis evil laughs.]

Grizz: You can't do this, you cretin! I-I won't stand for it!

[Lewis bounces the prize hook in his hand.]

Grizz: Aw, beans. [He jumps off the counter and tries to run away, but Lewis follows him.]

Lewis: Hey, come on you little rascal!

Grizz: Get away from me!

Panda: Uh, Grizz, watch out! Go left! Go left! [Grizz jumps to the left.] Oh, no, no, no, no, my left!

Lewis: Ha! Gotcha!

[A few people are standing by.]

Man #1: What's happening? What is that man doing to with that child?

Man #2: Oh man, I wish I could take a picture with my phone or something. [He holds up a brick phone.]

Woman #1: Should we call the police? Is this stranger danger?

Lewis: Hush. [Puts his hand over Grizz's mouth.] Hey, now, no need for that. Everything's good. We're just, playing. [He laughs nervously.] Hey, kid, hush your face, or, it'll be, uh, curtains for your brothers.

Grizz: N-no! Not curtains! [He imagines Ice and Panda as actual curtains.] Oh! How distasteful! If only I could win them back myself!

Lewis: Psh! What!? [Chuckles] Win them back. No way! You'd have to be the strongest person ever to knock them down, and you're like, a kid! Kids aren't usually that strong, you know, so...

Grizz: Strong, eh? Hmm. All right, Lewis, I'll try, and if I win, I get my bros. No backsies!

Lewis: Well.. Okay. And if you lose, you stay with me, forever! Or, at least until this summer job is over, so, like, two months. Do we have a deal?

Grizz: [He sighs and goes to shake Lewis' hand, but Lewis pulls it away.]

Lewis: Psych! [He wiggles his fingers and laughs.] I've never been able to do that.

[Music plays as Grizz picks up a ball. Lewis laughs evilly. Grizz whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut. He sighs.]

Grizz: You can do this, Grizz.

Muscle Guy: Come on, you little bench boy.

[Grizz grunts and squats.]

Panda: We believe in you Grizz! Remember your workouts. And your so very, very toned muscles.

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